As my journey continued, I began to write it down. As much as I love to write, this was hard for me. It was as though opening myself up to write my story revisited all the memories and events I had spent a lifetime burying.
I understand now this was essential for a time out of survival, but now if I am to reclaim who I am and restore my soul, I needed to embrace what was within these shadows. The first thing I came across was myself at 7 years old. She was a beautiful, sweet, tender girl but she felt abandoned and alone.
She felt casually tossed aside by a woman who decided she wanted a different life. Her first feminine wound came at the hands of a woman she called Mom. Meeting this little girl in the shadows of my soul called to me to embrace her and love her and tell her she is safe now, because I won’t abandon her again.
The fears and worries of this 7 year old girl stayed with me well into my adult years, with the fear of abandonment lurking around every corner within my relationships. I developed a leave-them-before-they-leave-you attitude or choose partners that I knew were no good for me that I knew I would be given a reason to leave.
My story is just beginning to unfold, and with each unfolding is a new journey within a journey. The spiral deepens, and my inner she emerges time and again to reveal another facet of the soul, heart, and essence of who I am.